Kurt Cobain’s Suicide Note

Kurt Cobain's Handwritten Suicide Note

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we’re back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it’s not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become.

I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

145 responses

  1. Kurt.
    I will carry your name until I die.
    You spoke for me and millions of other people, and we have never really returned the favour.
    I wish you could tell me what to do.
    I wish I could say I love you.
    But I never had the chance to let you know.
    Rest In Peace, you freaking awsome angel.

  2. Why can’t Kurt rise again like Jesus did (;. I wish i was alive before he died ):. He died 4 years before he was born. I think he didn’t commit suicide, because i’ve watched so many documentary’s on his death and there’s a lot of reasons for Courtney killed him, because she wanted all the fame and money. Anyway Kurt will still live on in our hearts and minds(:. Also he’s quite fit; (; <33

  3. I just wanted to say that, though I liked Nirvanna when they started — despite the grunge scene’s affect on Hard Rock….I still detest Grunge to this day for that…I found Curt a bizarre, and very fragile person — always miserable. Obviously, the man was an incredible artist…unfortunately, that which makes us artists also makes us vulnerable…our empathy, our sensitivity, our love of life — our disappointment. I truly believe he killed himself, and I think it’s a sad and tragic fact. People will always question the act. If it was any other junkie, it would have been open and shut…I believe suicide is a coward’s way out, and I don’t respect him for this act. I think it weakens all of us to see such greatness fail. Unfortunately, he was unable to shake his addiction, and unable to look on the “bright side”, instead, he spiralled into a self-pitty misery that was more fulfilling than the outside world which loved him. This is the incredible tragedy brought about by addiction — particularly when it is looked upon as a choice rather than a disease. Though heroin has created some of our best art, I feel the price is not worth it, I also fear those artists that would follow the dragon down the sewer in hopes of basking in that creativity. For some perhaps, a short life, filled with incredible colour and passion is better than a long life without the “success”. It’s a choice each of us must make. I think if we miss the fact that this suicide points to the dark side of the industry, we miss Curt’s final point. I don’t think any of you shot up with Curt, and you probably saw his public side a lot more than you’d like to admit. To me, it’s far more important to live in the now, and stand in awe of this man’s talent which will outlive us all. I wish you all peace with this, and I’m sure you were moved as much as I when you read this. One life people, don’t make a strong statement hoping to meet at the alter after. Sorry to break it to you…another thing, he alluded to Jesus, which I’m assuming he had some level of belief…Being an athiest, a person who can look at the size, and age, of the universe, and it’s richness of life, no one book, or diety could ever do it for me…nor does it seem logical in the slightest. He threw it all away, let’s hope he was right about his family being better off…to me, family is the real god, and the only life. – Rod

  4. In this world there are 2 peices of literature that have affected people on a global scale; The Bible, And This note. Kurt I miss you.

  5. Number one… if anyone reading this was born after 1978, know this.

    YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE GRUNGE MOVEMENT OR WHAT KURT REALLY MEANT TO US.

    Number two… I don’t know who I hate more – the sycophantic cesspool of parasitic vermin that didn’t monitor Kurt around the clock until he was better, the 21st Century Yoko that will continue to profit from his memory until she finally is gone, Kurt for being so blind to the truth of the world around him, or God himself for not giving Kurt some shred or small ray of light to peek through the rain-swelled clouds of that lonely home in Washington state and keep his loving soul on this Earth.

    I was completely frozen in my place when Kurt Loder’s sullen face came on MTV and broke the news. My copy of In Utero still hard-wired into my consciousness, I sought out answers… like why.

    Nearly twenty years later, I stand looking on as legions of misguided, pop-culture saturated mutant byproducts of my generation pretend they understand. My eyes become transfixed as I see them going through motions like a trained puppy, knowing only that to go through the motion renders some sort of reward. Credibility sought that is wholly undeserved and impossible to obtain.

    What’s more, only a select few really contemplate the massive void Kurt left when he left this Earth. Fewer still can stand and see its width and breadth. Kurt Cobain inadvertently, or perhaps in a cosmic twist of justice, gave my generation the ability to see the dream that many had removed from their field of vision – the dream of true, honest, and artful music dominating the hearts, minds, and airwaves of an America we were all told was for us… not THEM.

    His absence has left us to this very day scrambling for another who will rail against the soul-crushing machine of corporate rock… and dismantle its bacteria-drenched parts.

    Somewhere in Heaven, Kurt is making a frozen pizza and pissing on a stack of Nickelback CDs.

    I miss Kurt beyond comprehension. If you miss him like I do, you’ll try to find the same existentialism he had and parlay that into music as well. We all owe it to his memory.

  6. I believe the last writing of Kurt in that letter is Peace Love Empathy,. Notice the L’s is the body of the letter they all slant slightly \ to that angel. After those words you see, towards the end, the words (Will and I’ll) with the L’s slanting towards another and the word alter with the L slanted / this way. Two different penman-ships good people. Bottom line, Kurt did not write the last part of that note, which was meant to say goodbye to the rock life, not life itself.

  7. i’m not like them, but i can pretend….
    story of my life kurt. even though i cant understand quite why you did it, but i feel like that alot, like i love and trust people to much, like everyone i meet will be intresting and kind and funny and peacefull, but they wont. One big community of kindred spirits, who understand others needs and who respect the wishes of others around them. where care and love triumphs over hate and greed. i live in a world where money is what we are, what we work for, what we crave. we are all junkies. we all exist to give paper to others who might give us some metal in return, although they really wish they didnt have to. i live for music and my girlfriend who i love with all my heart and my family who dont want me for money or what i bring but who i am. Who i want to be. i try to keep everythong thats real, real, and everything thats fake subdued in my brain to be nothing more than mere routines. see to have turned a radio on, at my age now (17) and here the opening to drain you for the first time. i would be blown away. stunned into shock and left to listen just to the music and power and emotion and raw feeling put into every utterance. i pray for the day where that happens. when a musician and man who can match kurts soul feeling and emotion and smash it into a beautifull punk rock song. when that day comes i will come back here and post another comment, if i remmeber because i may be glued into there record, or back with kurt, where i find myself everyday.

    rest in peace kurt.
    you’ll always make me believe in peace love and punk fucking rock!
    always in our thoughts.

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